In my experience as a clinical psychologist, fathers have more trouble accepting — and adjusting to — an ADHD diagnosis. They wish for the symptoms to be just “boys being boys” or a temporary phase, but this denial helps no one. Loving and accepting your whole child is linked to better outcomes at school and in life. Here is a five-step plan to help dads get closer to acceptance faster.
Children are not “little adults.” They see the world through a different lens. Children, especially those with ADHD, live in the moment; they are motivated by emotion. Adults live in the future; they are motivated by goals. This, in many ways, explains why many parents feel so much frustration trying to connect with and help flailing kids.
Fathers are often more reluctant than mothers to accept their child’s diagnosis — and some even deny its existence. ADHD is a cognitive disorder; a developmental impairment of executive functions.1 The research and diagnostic criteria are clear, yet still some fathers stubbornly deny ADHD (“My son can’t possibly have a problem!”) because of this truth: How a father views himself interferes with the way he views his struggling child.
How to Be a Good Dad to Your Struggling Child
#1. DO provide positive feedback.
#2. DO be sympathetic to their lack of control.
#3. DON’T deny your child’s diagnosis.
#4. DON’T take a “wait and see” approach.
#5. DO face your fear.
The Heart of the Matter: The Best Thing You Can Do
